When Souls get lost, nothing goes right

the last of three Soulful Videos to help Love, Delight, Healing find their way right back into your life – using the Art of Acupuncture







This video is part of series of three.

Love to watch them all? Be my guest.





Originally posted 2017-07-04 11:14:27. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Get your Soul back with Acupuncture


So you think you have all your wandering souls together? Think twice.

You might very well be all over the place (= universe).
Lonelyness, burnout, compassion fatigue, over eating, over working, under sleeping, general boredom, or that nagging voice inside your head that insists that something is off – all these nasty entities may be signs that you are missing a couple of those lovely dreamers: The wandering souls or Hun as we call them in Chinese Medicine.
Get your souls back and the nastyness will leave.
I promise.

Here is a new short video light your way home – soul retrieval with acupuncture, to help you with that. In this videos I explain the general concept of Soul loss and how it relates to Chinese medicine.

There will be two more videos with practical instructions to inspire you to use our wonderful ancient tradition of acupuncture in a soulful and soul retrieving way.

The second video is online, too: Floating back home – Soul retrieval with acupuncture, part 2

soul retrieval with acupuncture

floating back home



The  last video „Flying back home – Soul retrieval with acupuncture, part 3“ is also ready to go online, but ….
… the power around my village is down today and I am sitting in a little cafe to write this post. The universe’s way of telling me to slow down. An information I am always open to.

After watching the three little clips you will know how to call your wandering Hun souls back and, if you apply that wisdom, you will find new delight in everything that is.
I promise.

(No commercials. No money back guarantee. This is public domain and always has been.)

Why do I put out free stuff? Gratitude. That’s why.

The idea to produce these videos came up when we did the interview for the Chinese Medicine online summit on spirituality, shamanism and self cultivation in Chinese medicine. My friend Marian who created this amazing event has a way of probing so deep with her questions that everybody comes up with so much more than they even knew they had inside of them.
We all have.
All we need is the right inspiration. A good friend maybe. Some sunshine. Or the right piece of music.

After our two hour interview I immediately went back to writing my book (which is nearly finished now) and producing these videos and building my new website. All in a handful of days. Me! The queen of lazyness.
As a thank you to Marian I also created a little hypnotape to guide you through the whole process of soul retrieval with acupuncture. If you don’t want to do this all by yourself  – (being alone sucks at times) – now you don’t have to!
You get the tape if you sign up for the Chinese Medicine online summit.
For free. Of course.
Did I mention that the summit was for free, too?
But only this weekend while it’s live.
So hurry. For once.

Originally posted 2017-06-22 12:55:21. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Christine Li 2017

A Quest for Healing Knowledge

Christine Li MD has always been on a quest to find the secrets of healing and happiness. She studied sinology, anthropology and medicine and also spend five years studying Chinese medicine in Shanghai and Peking. Christine has written several books on Chinese medicine and self-healing, including the bestselling „The Path of The Empress“, a classic on feminine wisdom and power and how to access it through the female body.

Christine has worked for over 20 years in her own practice of Chinese Medicine in Hamburg and through these years she has done a lot of soul work and soul searching. She travelled the world and worked with all kinds of healers, curanderos, Babalawos and shamans. She also spent many nights on windy mountains and in dark forests.

as a family doctor in Tibet

Christine Li as a family doctor in Tibet










Return of the Cunning Woman

In the end she has come full circle. Back to the ways of our own ancestors. Through their eyes she has found a new take on ancient Chinese knowledge. The original techniques and history of our  „Cunning Women“ and the shamans of ancient Europe may be lost. But Chinese medicine is alive. Through the ages Chinese herbal medicine has become ever more sophisticated but Acupuncture is still well rooted in our universal shamanic origins. And acupuncture is an incredibly intricate tool to navigate the „otherworld“ inside our own body. Therefore we may use it to eventually bring our own medical origins back to life. Wouldn’t that be great?
There is only one source and this is where we find healing.

two cunning women

two cunning women







2017: Healer and Writer

Over the last couple of years Christine has been thinking about a textbook on healing and how to do soul retrievals, extractions, how to connect with our ancestors and how to heal trauma and epigenetic trauma using ancient Chinese knowledge.

(BTW: A drumming tape and other core-shamanic gadgets will not be enough to bring your soul back. And neither will the law of attraction do the job. Daydreaming is not shamanic work.)

In November 2016 she closed her practice in Hamburg to become a fulltime writer. This not not quite work out, because her patients have a way of finding her and then there is the gardening …





See you in the sun!




Christine Li talks about all of this with her friend Marian Nielsen Joos at the International online Summit on Chinese Medicine 2017.

Come join us.

If you are on time it’s free.

Letter to the Guy who tells us that Acupuncture is useless.

Dear Doctor Steven Novella, so somebody has given you money to prove that acupuncture is useless. You have achieved the Great Work by randomly sticking needles into thousands of unsuspecting, probably sick, people and you have found that what you did is, indeed, quite useless. You also found that it does not make any difference whether you stick needles into acupuncture points or some other random spots. Therefore you concluded wisely that any improvement on the medical condition in the case of acupuncture must be owned to the dreaded „Placebo effect“.

Dear Doctor xy, I am really concerned about your sanity of mind. How can you even ask that question? How superstitious can you be?

Of course sticking tiny needles into people will not cure their diseases, whether these needles pierce the body at some points charted in ancient Chinese books or at some random location.

What did you expect?

Me, after working as a medical doctor and acupuncturist for thirty years can assure you that it really really does not make any difference where you stick your acupuncture needle. Every five year old could have told you the same thing. A needle is a needle is a needle. Otherwise handling a bunch of roses could have the most unforeseen effects. Which it does not.

So what is the point?
The point is that it really does not matter which acupuncture point you chose. You got that completely right.
Just do not get too smug about it because in the great scheme of things it is but a trivial accomplishment given that everybody knew this to begin with. In vain you have tormented all those people. In vain you have wasted all those nice funds granted by your pharmaceutical sponsors. I suggest the next time someone gives you so much money do not stick thousands of useless needles into unsuspecting people but just go ahead and buy yourself a really nice car. Show some respect.

The Chinese philosopher Zhang Yi once said: „Medicine is meaning.“

For him acupuncture is a language spoken to convey that meaning. But where does this meaning come from and where does it reside? Who is the speaker and who is the listener? And how do we, as acupuncturists, learn to speak this obscure language?
And most importantly: Granted the acupuncturist somehow managed to know this language what about the clients who do not speak it? Do they have to „just believe“ as in a religion? And will their believing in it make them actually understand?
I do not think so.

For a language to work both parties most be aware of it and not just believe in it.
You see. Should I happen to write a letter in Chinese to you and you did not know that language you would not be able to make any more sense of it than if I had used some random scribbles to begin with.
On the other hand if a child saw her mother writing an old fashioned letter it might decide to imitate her and proudly smear some ink all over a piece of paper.
An outsider who did not know about the art of writing might not be aware of the difference between the mother’s writing and the scribbling of the child.

I daresay in the case of acupuncture you are this outsider.

You may wish to argue with this because semiotics are of no avail to you as far as medicine is concerned. After all the body is a dumb piece of machinery. Slave to the laws of Newtonian physics. This is what you were told at med school and they must have been right because after all this was med school.

You just wanted to prove the point that acupuncture is useless and prove it you did. Or did you not?

In a medical paradigm were the body is dumb and devoid of meaning, acupuncture cannot be more than scribbling random sigils on a piece of paper when neither the writer nor the reader know the language and there is no receiver who might decode it.

But. There are always many ways to look at things.

We can decide to look at the body as a physical expression of the Deep Conscious. Not a dumb machine but a highly intelligent being.
We can decide to look at acupuncture as a language, a coded system for the transference of complex information. In order for this system to work there must be an intelligent sender and an equally intelligent receiver. Here comes the interesting bit: In acupuncture neither sender nor receiver are conscious personae.

Acupuncture is a technology that exchanges information unacknowledged by the conscious mind directly between the Deep Conscious of two people. In acupuncture we directly address the most intelligent part of our being: The Deep conscious. Our higher self that lies at the root of everything. Source.

The letters and sometimes words of the language of acupuncture are the classical points defined and coded sometime in ancient China by people we do not know very much about. We can only suspect that they did know much more than was written down in later times.
The grammar that comes with this highly structured language are the seemingly random rules by which these are combined. Remember: Grammar has a way of imposing itself as willful and random to the non native speaker. If you ever tried to grasp the workings of a foreign language you will have experienced that.

Interestingly the Chinese acupuncture points do not have names that make much sense to the conscious mind. Among old Chinese point names there is no such thing as a „common cold point“ or „headache point“. Rather the point names speak in metaphors that bury any obvious meaning under layers of nature poetry, obscure riddles and references to ancient shamanic gods. Clearly acupuncture is a language meant to be understood only by the Deep Conscious.

As the acupuncturist picks a point and needle it in the way she has been taught her conscious mind acts as an instrument of the Deep Conscious. But without some kind of phonetics a word remains mostly obscure. When the acupuncturist manages to apply the right form of stimulation the body picks up the sensations and translates it into one of the thousands shades of pain, piercing, prickling, swelling, numbness or heat that lay at the heart of acupuncture. Not necessarily all grey. These are the words the deep conscious can receive.The Deep Conscious may speak back to her when she feels that the „Qi has arrived“. It means that she has got the pronunciation right.

The pronunciation of the words, the needling technique as it is sometimes called, is as much part of acupuncture as is the art to combine these words to longer phrases. There are certain rules how point are combined. This is where the grammar gets complicated. You may have been vaguely aware of this. After all you tried to prove that it does not make any difference whether you speak the language or whether you just brabble along.

But acupuncture does not stop at point combinations. What if someone randomly copies famous quotes and puts them together in a way that does not defy the rules of grammar. Does that make for a read that captures the reader’s imagination? Probably not if there had been no other intention but to fill some pages with grammatically correct phrases.

To speak a language correctly is not enough to capture your listener’s attention. They will only listen if there is some piece of information that is important to them. You need to tell a story. Something new and powerful. If your story is good enough they will excuse a funny pronunciation and poor grammar.

This is why a technically poor acupuncturist can oftentimes achieve much more than someone who has studied with all the right teachers but does not care to tell a good story.

An acupuncturist may not be aware that she is telling a story. Neither does the client. Consciously both may be quite unaware of the communication going on between their deeper beings. This does not matter at all. What matters is that she allows for the necessary time and space for communication to happen. She will sit with her client. Listen. Breathe. Smell. Mirror. After a while her Deep Conscious will know the story it needs to tell and manage to communicate the necessary information to the conscious mind so it can do the practical work. Other than that the acupuncturist’s conscious mind tries to stay out of the way. In Chinese philosophy this attitude is called „wu wei“ and it is considered the axiom of all doing.
So while the acupuncturist does not quite know what is going own, she is open enough to listen to her deeper impulses and translate them into correct action. This is where her knowledge comes in.
A good grasp on the traditional rules provides a ritual framework for the work of acupuncture to unfold graciously and without much conscious interference.

(In its deep aspect acupuncture is very similar to magic. In my work, be it in writing or in treating people you will find many approximations to chaos magic and sigil work. Just think of a needle as a sigil and you get the idea.)

Even a well trained acupuncturist will never know how the „real“ language of the Deep Conscious is spoken. After all this language as we know it has always been a conscious construct meant to get as close as possible to the „truth“ without ever hitting the mark completely. To the body our interventions may sound like a young child’s stummering. But it will listen all the same. Oftentimes it will react enthusiastically, even violently. After all this may be the first time somebody cared enough to address it at all. For the Deep Conscious this is like opening its eyes to the light of the sun after living in a dark room for many years.
At first session our first reaction may be overwhelming pain. If this reaction is understood as what it is and guided with compassion the pain will subside quickly and make room for an astonishing array of ever more finely modulated sensations. These sensations translate into complex cascades of chemical reactions. Make no mistake. These chemicals are not what acupuncture is about. Acupuncture is not about „Endorphins“ or „Serotonin“. These molecules are nothing but vehicles to transport the meaning. While all kinds of sensations and chemicals roll over the client this meaning is transferred and translated to the client’s Deep Conscious where the story is distilled, received, and understood. The room will become sweet and calm once again.

But before that it may well get sweaty. Often literally. Some clients lose consciousness or drift aware into some unknown space. Some start to shake and shiver as traumas are being released. They sweat, lacrimate, roll their eyes or feel icy cold as the dorsal parasympathetic system gets turned on. Others see beautiful colors or visions, hear exotic music or experience intense sexual sensations. Mercifully, the most severely traumatized clients just fall asleep. On wakening up they smile and ask „What happened?“.
My favorite answer is: „We do not need to know.“

After all, when a trauma is released, we do not want to talk it back into our lifes. Let it be gone for good.

All this will only happen if and as long as the acupuncturist stays closely by their clients side. A little needle does not do anything at all if there is no story being told. This should be obvious by now. If a client is left alone all reactions will stop immediately.

After a couple of days profound healing will set in. By that time people will find that their traumas have resolved. Cramps losen up. Pains disappear. Hormones reappear. Medications are discarded. Tumors shrink. Bowels and hearts move happily ever after. Depression ends and breathing is joyful once again.

My clients tend to be very pleased with acupuncture.
After all this is the meaning of „placebo“: „I will please you“.
Tell me again what is wrong with that.

(Its a kind of magick…)

path of the empress


the path of the empress

the path of the empress

Fast pünktlich zum Muttertag:

Am 15. Mai erscheint unser Klassiker, der unbezähmbare Longseller seit dem Jahr 2000, das Lieblingsbuch aller unbezähmbaren Frauen, der weg der kaiserin, zum zweiten Mal in englischer Sprache.

Es gibt dazu einen kleinen englischen blog:

Wer das Buch vorbestellen oder an eine englischsprachige Freundin schicken möchte (Oder zum Muttertag für die Mama bestellen möchte), kann direkt zu Rockpool Publishing gehen.

Und auf Spanisch gibt es auch schon was zu lesen.

el libro para emperatrices

Denn die spanische Kaiserin kommt als nächstes. Im Augenblick wartet sie noch in Buenos Aires, mit Koffern, fertig gepackt und voller Tangoschuhe.

la emperatriz bailando

la emperatriz bailando

„Amazing“ findings on alternative cancer treatments

Are you kidding me? Is this all you can come up with?

I prefer to write on healing and healing rituals. I am into the force of the dragon fire, shamanic acupuncture and Chinese medicine and ancient medical literature.
This blog is about empowering people to do their own healing. It is about love.

stopping death?

stopping death?

But sometimes I have to indulge in some useless ranting.
Here it goes:

This satire goes out to the part of the medical community who engages in useless discussions aka blatant stupidity  to discredit the things I care about: The Healing Arts.

Today I found an article from „Medscape“ in my inbox ( I am open for everything new- even though this seems to be a one way street, as we shall see ).

This article was not on my favorite subject ( neurobiology ) but I had to read it because of the title:

“Mythbusters: Complementary and alternative treatments in Cancer.”

I read the article. I had to. Right?
I did not learn anything new and I did not even expect much, because at first sight I noticed that they had left out Qi Gong and Chinese herbal medicine and many other things like Amazonian plant doctoring, rituals, ayurveda…

There are lots of things that can cure people, that are being practised worldwide, which we still do not know a lot about.
What we do know is, that Qi Gong and Traditional Chinese herbal medicine are proven to make a difference in cancer therapy.

Whoever is seriously interested in cancer treatment knows about Qi Gong and Traditional Chinese herbal medicine.

The effectiveness of these modalities has been proven by countless studies, most of them from China. But somehow these studies never make it into the big European or American Medical Journals. And new (or age old) medical knowledge is only accepted once it has been published in one of these papers- who take care to reject everything threatening to the existing medical paradigm.

Still, even though there is this east- west- gap in the transmission of knowledge,  doctors and healers who care about  their cancer patients can try to find out on their own and many of them do.

Does it really matter were a medical modality originates from or whether some Journal approves of it- as long as it helps people?

In 1984 I still had to study Chinese to get serious information on Chinese medicine. In 2014 all a doctor would have to do is go on the internet to find lots of information on acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine and Qi Gong- freely available in English.
It is common knowledge. Or could be.

But even in 2014 for some reason this article leaves out the two of most promising approaches to cancer therapy there are: Qi Gong and Chinese herbal medicine.

I really wonder why. Or, frankly, I do not. Medicine is not free. It is a hierarchically organized and strictly supervised industry.
So if the Chinese insist that Chinese Medicine can kill cancer- just let them. Who cares how they cure cancer „over there“?

The general existence of herbal treatments is acknowledged in this article- albeit as a warning:
„Many patients don’t realize that herbs and supplements — one of the most common complementary interventions — are drugs, and that some have been shown to interact with chemotherapy and can be harmful to patients,“ explains Steven Novella, MD, a neurologist and assistant professor at Yale University School of Medicine.

This is brilliant. Thank you Dr Novella! Without you we would probably never have known that herbs were drugs. We would probably have thought herbs were, well, herbs. Silly us.
Of course herbs are drugs. The very word “drug” originally meant “dry herb”: “drug” and “dry” being the same word in older times.
And to think about the malignancy of these drugs: while being totally without effect when it comes to helping people, all of a suden these herbs interact with other stuff just to harm people.
Or could it be, just saying, that the harm might actually come from the chemotherapy? After all, Chemotherapy is really just a form of poisoning. Chemotherapy is executed with poisonous chemicals.
Did you not know that Dr Novella?
Let me explain, in case you missed that class in medical school: While Chemotherapy kills cancer cells it does not make any difference between cancer cells and cells in general. It is „non-selective“, which is the biggest problem in Chemotherapy: Chemotherapy kills every cell that reproduces and this is what living matter is all about: Reproduction.
(BTW: Chemotherapy can be made to be more selective by combining it with herbal medicine. For those who, for some silly reason distrust everything Chinese: This has been proven in Isreal and published in English.)

But let us not dwell on the things left out. Why insist on Chinese herbs in cancer therapy? There might be other interesting things.
The medscape article on alternative cancer treatments starts promising enough:
“When it comes to treating cancer, „there are no magic bullets,“ we are admonished by a Dr. Rosenthal. “Patients need proper, evidence-based guidance to get the best possible care and to avoid risky treatments.”

This is deep. Is it not?
I do treat cancer patients and my heart goes out to everybody who is fighting a life threatening condition and to everybody who tries to be of service to them.
I respect serious criticism on the things I do- I understand that Chinese medicine and alternative treatments are healing arts that are still exotic for many people.

Lets read some more:
The Medscape article adds some really wise admonitions about cancer therapy not being entirely about reducing tumor size.
We are told that the well being of the patient is something to consider as well.
Now there’s a thought! This is even deeper than the thing about the magic bullets.
So how do we achieve this important well being of cancer patients?
We make fun of the things that actually help them feel better.  

The cancer treatment modalities picked out for that fun making purpose are:

  • exercise
  • acupuncture
  • massage therapy
  • sugar free diet
  • nutritional supplements
  • reiki
  • meditation.

As this is an American article it starts with a discussion on the benefits of exercise.
(In America everybody knows that exercise is good, as is drinking lots of water, taking at least seven kinds of supplements and always wearing sunscreen, even indoors)

And what do we find: Cancer patients who exercise live longer.
Brilliant. Again.

As it has been found that those who benefited most from exercise were those who burned 3000 calories a week, the even more brilliant conclusion is, that we must insist that our clients run or swim every day for one hour.
Yoga or other soft techniques that do not burn calories will not help, we are told.
Qi Gong, the most important soft technique in the treatment of cancer is of course left out.
But at least now I know why: It must be because people who practise Qi Gong as a form of cancer treatment tend to put on weight. Now terrible life threatening weight loss is one of the things cancer patients have to deal with- but, hey, weightloss is good!

So instead of teaching cancer patients Yoga or Qi Gong we put them on a threadmill while they get their Chemotherapy.
They actually do it. They even wrote it down. I did not make this up.

I certainly could have never come up with anything so clever: Let them save time while they still can.
This is absolutely brilliant.

Just a tiny word or two, seeing that for all the other treatments discussed later on so much importance is given to flawless study design:
Could it be, that the cohorts were biased? In other words: Is there a tiny bit of a possibility that people who vigorously run for one hour everyday are a bit more on the energetic side to begin with- Could it be, that they lived longer because they were more healthy and therefore more resistant to poisoning by Chemotherapy in the first place?
Just a thought.

What I am more perplexed about is how they managed the whole double-blindness thing. Double-blindness is very important in medicine. Double-blindness means that neither the patients nor the doctors know what is going on. Double-blindness is the most important criteria to decide on whether medicine is good medicine or bad medicine.
Good medicine is when everybody is ignorant about what is going on. Otherwise it is not science. This is exactly the problem with acupuncture. So I have been told for years.
Now: Did the jogging patients know, that they were exercising and did the doctors know too? In that case the studies are pretty useless- you know? How can people brilliant enough to put people on a threadmill while giving them Chemotherapy forget about something so simple as double-blindness?

There you go listing gazillions of studies proving the general wonderfulness of exercise in cancer treatment and every single one of these studies forgets about the basic rule on double-blindness.
On the other hand, when it comes to acupuncture you remember all too well:

“In a 2012 systematic review, researchers identified 15 randomized controlled trials (RCTs) evaluating the efficacy of acupuncture for reducing cancer pain alone or in combination with analgesics.[12] Although acupuncture was no more effective at relieving pain than drug therapy, patients who received acupuncture alongside a pain medication reported significantly less discomfort compared with those who only received analgesics. Still, the authors could not draw firm conclusions about the pain-relieving benefits of acupuncture, given that most of the trials were poorly designed.”

The list goes on.
Many studies show that acupuncture really helps. Against nausea, vomiting, pain, heat flushes. It makes people feel better and sleep better.
But people knew that they were given acupuncture and the doctors knew that they were putting needles into patients. So all these findings must be discarded. And rightfully so:
How can acupuncture ever be taken seriously by the scientists if it is executed by people who know what they are doing.

Being myself an acupuncturist who always tries to know what she is doing I get a strong feeling of rejection. I feel left out. But, hey, this is science we are talking about. I should probably not take this too personally.

Worse is, that acupuncture, being a medical system that has survived and improved for millennia, seems to have gotten quite out of hand.  We try to treat everybody. What a pretension!

In the article a certain Dr Gorski points out: „If you have an intervention that claims to treat everything from infertility, headaches, back pain, and dry mouth from radiation, it is more likely a treatment that is good for nothing and simply relies on placebo effects. In my opinion, the evidence for acupuncture is weak, at best.“

Now infertility, headaches, back pain, and dry mouth from radiation are actually ailments that have been proven to be treated effectively with acupuncture, over and over again. We all know that these and many others are effectively cured with acupuncture.
But I can see how being able to do so many things, even if you can prove that you actually can do them, is simply preposterous.
Other medical systems, such as, say, Western medicine, would never go as far as claiming that they are in charge of nearly everything.

Massage therapy is the next therapy picked out to be made fun of by Medscape.  I learn that there are not so many studies to prove the effectiveness of massage therapy as there are for acupuncture. But I also learn, that this does not really matter because the studies on massage are as flawed as they are in acupuncture:  People know when they are being massaged and so does the therapist ( although, come to think of it, in China and in Japan many massage therapists ARE blind … ):

“The evidence in support of this practice, however, is mixed. Many studies report that massage alleviates a range of symptoms, including pain, nausea, anxiety, depression, and stress, but often the study methodology is flawed, making it difficult to provide definitive recommendations.”

Feeling better, getting well, being happier and more resilient is of no use in cancer therapy – you need to play by the rules and prove it. Right?
This is especially important as massage therapist seem to be such brutes as gentle Lisa Corbin, MD, has found: Potential harmful effects of massage range “from bruising to internal hemorrhaging, fracture, and increased pain or infection”.

I will stop here because I already learned so much about alternative cancer treatments. I am positively overwhelmed.

  • Instead of being ripped to pieces by a brutal massage therapist it is much gentler and also more scientific for cancer patients to sweat on a threadmill while receiving Chemotherapy by a blind doctor.
  • Qi Gong is useless because it does not burn 3000 calories a week which for some reason seems to be very important for cachectic (skinny) cancer patients.
  • And never, ever, take herbal medicine because herbs are drugs and only work for the Chinese.

Acupuncture: a Shaman’s Way

Chinese medicine from a shamanka’s point of view.

Many years ago I studied  Chinese Medicine in China. I lived there for nearly five years, I accumulated about two thousand Chinese books. But I always had the feeling that something was missing.
(It is not- we just have to look deeper)
So I studied with shamans all over the world. Healing matters deeply to me.

I learned about spirit. I learned how spirit is lost and how it is called back.
I learned about intrusions and the spirit of the death that come to haunt us.
I learned about Power Loss.

Most importantly I learned that Shamanic ideas are not alien to Chinese Medicine. They are its very root.

The Wu Shamans of ancient China

In ancient China women who danced to bring the spirits back were calledwu, which can be translated as shamans.

African Yin Yang

African Yin Yang









the Dao De Jing: an ancient classic about the way and the power

Laozi, the mysterious creator of the Dao De Jing, was a great shaman.
He (she?) wrote a book called: Book about the way and the power.
The Dao De Jing (also written „Tao Te King“). A book most people think to know.

You may want to read this wonderful book again. And again.

The ancient shamanic classic Dao De Jing and a handful or two of acupuncture points are the essentials you need to be a wonderful healer.

This is very little, if you compare this to any other medical system.

Of course it is fun, to know more stuff.
Many people might add the Book of Changes, the Yi Jing ( I Ging ) to their list of books.

I enjoy all kinds of manual techniques or point combinations by famous doctors or herbal medicine and I think so do you.
But the more I accept that healing is the natural way to go, the less I rely on overly complicated interventions.

We do not need to worry out about not knowing enough.
We do know. Knowledge lies deep within.

It is narcissistic thinking that we must be incredibly great to heal people.
We hand over the power to be who we are to other people.
Like this we put incredible pressure on our clients: If they get well, we feel really good and accomplished. If they do not get well or even die, we feel like terrible failures.
Have you ever had a client who told you she felt better, just to make you feel better?
They should not have to do this.

They are on a quest to encounter their own inner healer and we can chose to help them.
We do this by connecting to them.
The ancient Chinese Shaman Laozi says:
„Two give birth to Three. Three give birth to tenthousand things.“
Three is the magic connection.
Whenever the Magic Three is born, we will feel in your guts what this person needs. Or they will feel it. Something will come up and it will be healing.

Healing does not necessarily mean we will not have to die.
This may be hard to swallow, because we tend to think of medicine as the great warrior against death.
This is another instance of narcissistic thinking and again it does not serve us well.

Fear of Death is a Damaging Belief. We are Immortal anyway.

If we loosen up around death- healing will be much easier.
In Shamanism the world of death is just another place to be.

Damaging Beliefs

Let us talk about damaging beliefs.
Some popular damaging beliefs are: I am ugly, I am stupid, I am unworthy.
Cognitive therapies and hypnotherapy try to get rid of these beliefs by understanding them and finding something more useful.
We may write on our mirror or on little cards: I am beautiful. I am smart. I am worthy.

This may be less painful. But it does not work as well as most people hope.

You see: whether we claim to be good or bad it is probably not the truth. It is alien to who we are and therefore not very powerful.

The truth is: when are born we are neither good nor bad. We are just as we are. Just like a tree.

Then our parents, our teachers, our friends really get going and chop us into something useful.
A chair. A table. A wooden bowl. While all we wanted to was grow and be alive.

In Humans we do not use Axes to chop down our Inner Truth. We use Words.

The great shaman Laozi was not so keen on words and names:
The Dao that is named is not the real Dao, he said.
He also had a dim view our notion of usefulness.
The thing he liked the least was morals.

To think we are bad is obviously damaging.
To think we are good is not much better.
Good is not what we want to be: We want to be real.

Laozi  said that moral categories were the beginning of all evil.

Just ask your local crack dealer who pushes poison to small children whether he considers himself a good person. He will have very elaborate explanations why it is ok what he is doing and why, of course, he really is a good person.

Beliefs are food for the mind chatter that prevents us from listening to our inner song. The deep knowing who we really are.
Our essence.

Thunder and Lightning: Two Shaman Gods and also two well known Acupuncure Points

While we are at it, I want to point out, that we have methods in acupuncture to get rid of sticky thought forms- be they whiny and self pitying or resentful and self-righteous or outright grandiose.
Try a point on the back, right between the middle and the heart. It goes by the name of yixi- cry of pain- bladder 45.
Here, just over the diaphragm, is the lower region of our sky, the lung, where the darker and heavier clouds collect.
With the acupuncutre point „yixi“ sticky thought forms will pour out of the client. After half an hour of accusations, misery, self pity and tears, we can clear up the sky with two other points: Lu 7 and St 40, Lieque and Fenglong- which incidentally are the personal  names of two old shaman gods of China: Thunder and Lightning.

Put your intention on clearing away cloudy thought forms and the two gods will be at your command.

„You can’t go back
and you can’t stand still
If the thunder don’t get you
then the lightning will.“
(The Grateful Death)

Thought discipline

After thunder and lightning have swept away the mind chatter, we have to apply thought discipline to keep it that way.
There is a mantra that seems to be working especially fine: I just tell myself to shut up whenever my mind goes into self bashing mode or self inflating mode.

Shutting up is good medicine

The mantra „shut up!“ came to me on a vision quest I did once on a very beautiful spot near an old Apache graveyard near the Mexican border. There were wolves. There were hot springs. There was snow.
As the place was so beautiful and so holy I prepared myself for great instructions.
I did my little ceremony and sat in the snow and started pouring my heart out.
I really got going.
So many things I needed to learn and do. So much misery I was making up for myself.
I was a complete nuisance to all the other beings on that beautiful spot.

All of a sudden someone said in a very clear voice: “Shut up. If you go on talking you will not hear what is being said.”
It was a peck of grass.
To shut up is very serious advice given to me by the spirit world and I thought I’d pass it on.

Now that we have talked about damaging beliefs, which are not cool, and about how to get rid of them, by shutting up,  we are done with this talk.
Hold your horses.
I am just warming up.

We are immensely priviledged to be students of a medical system that does not draw a line between body and spirit.
A system that is non dual to the very core.
A system that furthermore teaches us a very simple technology to work with spirit.

Acupuncture: A Technology of the Spirit

However we have managed to reduce it to a system to treat symptoms and diseases.
Acupuncture can do that- it can do anything we want it to do, because the needles are a language that speaks to the body and if we talk disease- so will the needles.
We have been brought up to think diseases are real.
We have been brought up to think that they are entities that somehow come over us.
Later generations who will have understood will shake their heads at so much superstition.
Our notion of disease is yet another damaging belief.

Disease is the Soul’s way of healing

Some time ago I was meditating and it was one of those rare moments my mind really got out of the way. I sat there for a couple of hours, feeling calm and blissful.
Suddenly from deep inside a thought popped into my mind: Disease is the soul’s way of healing.
Next thing I felt the strong urge to jump up on my feetwhich were numbed after sitting so long. With a terrible sound my ankle cracked and I fell down on the ground. There I lay trying not to be sick from the piercing pain that shot through my leg.
Why had I jumped up like that? What had made me do so?

After a while my daughter came in and found me lying on the floor.
“I fell down”, I told her. “But never mind. I do not know how, but something just got healed.”

“Oh mommy”, she said and looked at my foot that by that time had swollen into a huge formless lump. “Only you can say something like that.”

My daughter knows me well. I can be bit weird at times.

Over the next days I held the thought  “Disease is the soul’s way of healing.”
I did some acupuncture to help the swelling go down and did some exercises to find out what was happening.
Very soon I realized that while the lump slowly turned into a foot again some other changes took place. I will not bore you with the details, but among others my iliosacral joint and hip which had been really painful for a long time opened up. The vertebrae in the neck fell into place. Headache and an occasional tinnitus dissolved. I got a bit taller. Most importantly for an ardent dancer like myself I found a completely new balance.

It was complex healing- far more complex than everything I ever learned in osteopathy.
I would never have been able to do anything like that consciously.
But something deep inside knew everything it needed to do.
It was not the first time it had done so or tried to do so.
But it was the first time I was really able to go with it instead of fighting the symptoms.

It is not always easy to appreciate the self healing process.
It can be painful and inconvenient like a swollen ankle.
It can be much worse than that.

We all have known people who started a new life after some terrible disease. I have a friend who lived through terminal cancer and found herself a new person at the end of that trial.

Healing can be deep and painful.

The force behind healing has no mercy. It is a natural force and if we try to fight it, it may very well kill us.
It is a force that comes from our roots.
The only real disease there is, is when we are not connected to this force.
A tree that is not rooted well, will be eaten by worms and thrown down by the storm.
This is the way of the forest to heal itself.
This is how life works.

The „Three Treasures“ of Ancient Chinese Doctors

The ancient Chinese doctors talked of „Three Treasures“: Shen,Qi and Jing. Let us meet these forces.

Shen- the Intouchable

In beginners classes of Chinese Medicine we talk a lot about Spirit- Shen.
Shen is expansion. It is yang and it connects us to the sky.
When the going down here gets rough parts of it can fly far, far away and not find its way home.

We call that soul loss. It happens when we are traumatized. Soul loss reduces our being.
Live loses its light and we feel lonely and sad.
Soul loss can be treated relatively easily with acupuncture.

Qi– the World of Matter

Spirit is pure yang, immaterial. When it dives down into yin again, it translates into qi.
Qi is the body we work with. Our feelings and our thoughts.
Most of the time our attention lies here. In the middle world.
We are used to get a grasp on things by giving them a name. Our specific cultural formation, our language, lets us only see the things we have words for.
We are resistant to things we have no names for.

Jing- The Essence- our inborn Power

When Qi dives down even deeper into Yin it condenses into essence- Jing.
The Chinese say it cristallizes. They teach that this crystallization needs lots of stillness and time. Like during the ten lunar months we spend in the womb before birth.
This cristall is the Jing. Our core.
As cristalls do- the Jing resonantes with its own frequency, our personal song.
If we want to know who we are, we need to listen to that song.
Most of the time we do not. Instead we listen to the chatter of our mind.

We do not hear so much about Essence in Chinese medicine.
All we learn is that we need to guard it- preferably with much sleep and little sex. Not much more we can do about it.
We also learn that it is something like gasoline. Once it is used up we die.

You can easily see that we translate our everyday illusion of scarcity into what we think is spiritual thinking.

Instead of thinking of Essence as some kind of spiritual gasoline, we can also think of it as our connection to the spirit world. The place were we are purely ourselves and at the same time connected to everything.
Think of a tree. In the upper world it stands high and reaches up into heaven. It is light and beautifully alive. Its branches rustle and sing songs without any meaning or intention attached. Songs of pure sound that somehow express, what it is on the inside.
Then there is the middle part. The trunk. A bundle of millions of pathways  that connect the branches to the roots.

The roots lie in the dark. Therefore we do not see that they form a web that spans for miles and miles connecting all trees into one living organism. Along  that web the roots pass nutrients and water. Here in the dark their power is born.

We are just like that. Deep down in the dark we are connected to everything.

The Dark World

Laozi called this place of creation The Dark Female.
It is a scary place. The place where we lose ourselves to death.
This is, why little children want to leave the light on and why all of us cannot keep still.
We all like to think that we are children of the light.

But we are also children of the dark. This is where our power is born.
If we want to embrace that power we need to grow up.

The Inuit Shaman

Shamans have some hard ways to grow up.
I read a story once about a traditional Inuit shaman who was put on some floating piece of ice to during the endless night of arctic winter. I do not remember for how long, but a lesser man would not have lasted an hour out there I suppose.
Facing death from cold and dark was this man’s test. The ultimate challenge for him to show, that he was a grown man, strong enough to face the spirit world.
When he came back he told his people:
Outside, there is nothing to be afraid of.

This message touched me very deeply. If the things we are afraid of are not outside. Where are they?
What is this place, the dark female, like.

Spirit Songs

Laozi,the Shaman of ancient China has taught, that in the beginning, people where simple and therefore they were powerful.
Have you ever listend to the prayers and spirit songs of tribal people all over the world.

These songs  are simple and truthful. They are also very powerful.
I once sat in a sweat lodge with an old Lakota healer who sang songs for thunder and lightning.

When we crawled out after several hours of ceremony we found that a tornado had wiped out everything around the lodge.
Cars and trailer homes were turned upside down. Houses had lost their roofs. Strong light poles had been broken like straw. The entire place was a mess. But inside the lodge, nothing but a fragile tent made of sticks and blankets, we had not even heart the storm.

Spirit songs are powerful

A native person,someone with a deep connection to the spirit world, will tell you, that these songs are not made-they are received.

They come from the spirit world.

We do not connect to this realm on the outside.

The spirit world is the land of Yin and we find it within ourselves.
When animals and rocks and plants talk to us, they talk in spirit language, in pure sound, and we hear it with the inner ear.
Providing we shut up.

Qi and Evil Qi

You see:
Words are qi.
They are born as vibrations, pure sound,  from the core of our being and are made into meanings by our intention. The middle.
It is our specific human gift to create meaning.
True words are in alignment with who we are.
The Chinese word for being in alignment is zheng.
True words are Zheng Qi.
Like a spirit song such words are powerful.

Words and thoughts that are not received but copy pasted from stuff we have learned do not have the same power.
They can be judgmental words, words of pride, words of guilt and words of self loathing. They can be anything.
They can be medical diagnosis.
All such words are not in alignment with who we are.
They are Xie Qi.

Xie Qi attract all kinds of similar thought forms from the outside world. They cluster and build up like dense clouds.
If we do nothing about these clouds- thunder and lightning will.

Meet the Dragon

In our beginner’s class in Chinese medicine we learn, that there is a dragon fire residing in the kidneys, most say the right kidney (which is where I feel it) or somewhere near the base of our spine. The Indians call it the Kundalini and visualize it as a snake.
For me it is the Dragon.
They say: Dragons dwell in underground caves and every once in a while they rise up to the sky to play with colourful balls.
When the dragon rises freely it brings about ecstasy and delight and an opening of the third eye.
When the sky is obstructed by clouds or strange thought forms the dragon will rise anyway and wreck havoc like a tornado.

For the last 2000 years Chinese Medicine has talked of ministerial fire rather than of dragons. The ministerial fire is our vitality. It has to do with heat and sex and other wild stuff.

The Confucian doctors admonished people to nourish their yin and refrain from sex and sit in meditation to control that fire.
They were terribly afraid of the ministerial fire and with reason.

When the dragon rises through a cloudy sky- when there is lots of Xie Qi- this Xie Qi will get momentum.
We get all kinds of heat, bursting, explosion, irritation, inflammation. Oftentimes this is in the region of the so called smaller yang, the Gallbladder and Triple heater channel. Think migraines. Think tinnitus. Think gallbladder colic. Think apoplexia.

The rising of the dragon shines light on every little Xie Qi it encounters on its way. You get swellings, red and itchy skin eruptions. All kinds of lumps may grow out of proportion. Your arteries may clog or explode. Your heartbeat may run out of control. Your stomach inflames. You may get strange cravings or unbearable pain.
Depending on your thought forms you can get any disease you can imagine.
The dragon rises out of the dark and it can make a murderer out of you or make you leave your partner of twenty years.

The dragon is the thunder and lightning of our inner universe.
It does not care about collateral damage.
It does not care whether we get killed in the process.
In the spirit world death does not exist.

The only thing the dragon wants to do is clear up the atmosphere. To reconnect heaven and earth.
To dance on a clear blue sky and play with colourful balls.

Taming the Dragon

In acupuncture we can tame the dragon to do its thing in a sweeter way and if we feel a little wilder we can undertake to wake a sleeping dragon on purpose.

Here are some ideas:

We have acupuncture points to connect heart and kidney.
We have points to heat up the ministerial fire.
We have points to clear out the Shaoyang channels.
We have points to get rid of toxic heat, damp and phlegm and unclutter the middle.
We have points to get rid of thought forms and other xie qi from outside.
We have points to connect to our ancestors and to the spirit world.
We have points to carry people high up on a mountaintop and points to submerge them into a deep blue ocean.
We have points to walk our clients through every part of their inner universe.

This work can be a bit dramatic. But in the end people get very still and some of them receive their healing song.
They get visions, hope and a new feeling of authenticity.
They start whole new lives.

So now, that we know the dragon I want to remind you of one more thing:
The difference between a healer and a sorcerer is, that the healer controls his thoughts and knows, when to shut up.

The lost Connection to the Cosmic Web

Shamanic acupuncture- The Yin Way

Ancient doctors of China advised their clients to nourish the Essence.
The art of nourishing the Essence has been forgotten or rather: It is looked upon as inefficient because basically nourishing the Essence would mean not to think, not to plan and not to expect anything. Again and again.
Who wants to do that.
To stand still- while everybody around us is running like crazy?

I see nervous people and sleepless people and people who act out or run around all the time. Mostly very successful people.
They tell me, they are completely exhausted, drained, burned out.
Some of them do not see any sense at all in living.
They have lost all hope.
“I wish, I could just go”, is a phrase heard often in my office. ”I tried so hard but nothing seems to work.”
Many feel lonely, disconnected and sometimes utterly lost.
The reason may be the breaking up of a relationship, a divorce, love- sickness, infatuation and all the other heart wrenching moments.
The reason may be a lost dream. A career running into the wrong direction.
Most of the time, they cannot even tell you what happened.

Live has somehow lost its brilliance.

And let us not be fooled by all the smiling faces out there. An ever growing percentage of these radiant smiles is fuelled by Prozac and Co.

Their deficiency is obvious- but the usual tonification approach of TCM will not work.
Neither will the nutritional supplementation of Western naturopathic medicine.

In our times in the rich countries, the deficiencies we live through, are not the same as in ancient China.
Back then, the bodies were nourished less and the winters were colder.
Situations that drained the body.
But then, these people knew how to nourish the spirit.

Today the pulses tell different  stories. In modern day people that are exhausted to the core may present with a perfectly toned and nourished body and with shiny hair.
They may even be fat- in times long gone a sign of well-being.
The middle is fine.
Even the kidney pulses are quite ok most of the time.
Bodies are not so drained after all.
And still, after a while, even the bodies give up functioning and, while still perfectly nourished, create all kinds of ailments, that leave the medical doctors and alternative doctors alike: completely baffled.

Good medicine should always try to answer two questions:
1. Why did this condition occur?
2. What do I need to get well again.

The name of a disease, most important concern of Western medicine, is not very important and can even be misused by clients and helpers alike to perpetuate the condition.

So: What has happened to these people?

The answer is Soul loss. A spiritual condition, that can only be addressed, when we, in Chinese Medicine go back to our shamanic roots and understand, what it is like, to  work with spirit, to connect to deep power, to heaven and earth and the cosmic web  and to understand, that there is no other disease than to lose that connection.

This September, at the International Congress of TCM in Denmark we will talk about how we today can get back to that spiritual connection and even fight some personal demons. We will also learn, that disease can be good news if we understand its message and handle it well.

Possession-a little Help from Your Friends

Wild spirits are out to get you. Really?

Many people are paranoid about spirit possession. Exorcism and Extraction are quite the rage in some new age communities.

Spirits are Qi. Excactly like ourselves. We interact with Qi all the time. It is outside of us, inside and all around. The limits of inside and outside are not marked by our skin but by what we are able to perceive. In this we are not limited by our skins.

Take bacteria. As we all know, after a century of fighting them in vain, we cannot protect ourselves from bacteria. Our body is full of them. We live in symbiosis with them and without them we would not even be alive.

The same goes for all kinds of Qi forms. Spirits are part of the cosmic body and so are we. They float in and out and all around of us. We are one with spirit. A process without limits.

Yet spirits can make us ill.

It works like this: Whenever we live in deficiency, in denial of a deep need, an intruder who carries this exact energy we are desperately trying to deny, will be attracted to the void we have thus created. It is our own resistance that gives it power. The more we fight, the stronger it gets.
The next thing we notice will be something new and foreign to our being. Disturbing thoughts. Strange urges. We form a wall around it. Try to avoid the feeling. We want to give it a name and only then it becomes an entity. A spirit possession is born each time we insist on its otherness.

Let’s say, someone lives in a relationship that is nice enough but over the years has become stale and without sexual spark. We tell ourselves, that the person we are with, is a good match, a good provider, a loyal friend, and so we fight the living spark, our internal fire. The dragon. We tell ourselves, that it is not worth it to break up a good solid thing (or invest time in adventure, precious time we had better invested in our career) for something so fleeting and, well, impure, as sex (or some wild dream). A part of us, the most vital part, shuts down.
Then, one fine day, we feel a sharp pain in the back. In the heart. It may be diagnosed as intercostal neuralgia.
But a smug name does not make the pain go away. It is here to stay.
No matter how many massages and acupuncture or stretching we try. It just sits there and aches. Piercingly. Some people feel the pain so intensely that they have trouble breathing.
Especially at night.

The old Greek called this the Arrow of Eros. Little old Eros, more often than not pictured as a chubby child. Not exactly known as a bad spirit. But it is the son of Aphrodite and Ares, after all. The son of Love and Hate. A trickster. Happily malicious and completely out of control. A real anarchist.

Not long after the arrow hit her or him, our person starts a passionate love affair or embarks on some other journey. The old relationship breaks up; the career is abandoned. Life needs to start all over from scratch. And it will.

A stubborn person may resist the urge to be born again and instead become short tempered, gloomy, depressed. The body aches. The heart may miss its beats and the blood pressure may go up.
The dragon rises with all the symptoms of fire:

  • hot flushes (so called „menopausal syndrome“)
  • red itchy excemas
  • restlessness and restless legs
  • piercing migraines
  • high cholesterol
  • gall bladder issues
  • heart disease and high blood pressure
  • ringing in the ears (tinnitus).

There are many pills to try and bring the fire down. Typically pills with names that start with “Anti”. A huge industry lives of these Anti-life-pills.

But there is no way to resist the trickster. It insists on change. It wants everybody to express their potency, their fire. If they do not, if they continue their anti-life regimen- they will become really ill and eventually die.

Eros in his wildest form has many names. In Brazil they call these entities the Pomba Giras. Pomba Giras are the female crossroad demons. Wild, shameless beings, visualized as sexy flamenco dancers, dressed in red flowing robes who like to drink alcohol and smoke big cigars.
The Pomba Giras want to party and once they get you, so will you.

In Brazil the Pomba Giras are feared and hated and treated with the utmost respect. They are ritually invoked by the love sick to possess someone they want to be in love with. Love magic that involves the Pomba Giras is powerful. These crossroad demons do not ask for lots of knowledge to be summoned. Before you know it, they will be all over that poor person you desire so much.

The Pomba Giras are exspecially delighted whenever they can stir up a fire that has long been smoldering under the ashes of self control and cowardly morals. Countless stories tell about good husbands, priests who live in celibacy and other people who have bravely resisted their sexual nature to suddenly find themselves under the power of the Pombas, possessed by urges they can no longer resist.

There is no malignancy involved in the doings of the Pombas. Like the common cold that gets to you so you can rid your brain of phlegm, the Pombas come to stir up the ashes when the fire has gone down.
They may be crass, but like all the other spirits they come as your spirit helpers.

Can you protect yourself against spirits? Preferably not.
Any anti-life-policy will bring nothing but death.

The only thing is to embrace your nature and live according to your inner law. There is no other.
If you do not resist your own nature you will not need help from a trickster, be it a Pomba or any other of the countless beings that are part of the cosmic body, to bring out your funky side.

The spiritual beings we used to be so afraid of, are here to help.
They may destroy your body in the process. Yet, this does not make them „evil“.
In the world of the spirits it is not considered death when a being leaves the body. The only death they know is resistance to transformation and they will not accept this. Ever.

There is one thing we can do: Thoughts are the only instance where we define yourselves. So we ask: Do we own your thoughts or are we possessed by them?
We want to be careful about limiting thoughts.
Thought-possessions are the only intrusions to be afraid of.
Thought-possessions are the limiting beliefs that keep us in our personal cage. They make us resist life and whenever we deny our own wild nature, wild spirits are there to help us out.

When they do, we may want to call it a disease. But this is just another limiting thought.

The Day I shot myself in the Head

How I became a medical doctor

After graduating from high school I was invited to undergo a particularly challenging selection process to become member of the German academic elite. I passed the exams and there I was. One of the chosen few.
In the US this would have translated into a scholarship from Harvard. In Germany it translated into a couple of Deutsche Marks for book expenses. I did not even get into medical school because in those days entrance into German medical school was decided through a lottery system and I do not do well at lotteries.
It looks like Spirit had better plans for me than going to Harvard medical school- or any other medical school for that matter.
Instead I studied Sinology which seemed difficult enough for my thirsty brain.

Apart from the book money I also received regular invitations for tea with a personal tutor, who happened to be a famous medical professor. After my first trip to China I was invited to another one of those meetings. About ten of the most powerful men of my university, most of them from medicine and yours truly, female and not a doctor at all.
In those days everybody was still very enthusiastic about everything Chinese and they kept asking questions about everything. I even had to tell a Chinese joke, which I did not know, but I just made one up and everybody was so delighted. We had tea and cakes. I was a star.

I could not wait to tell everybody, what I really wanted to tell:
While I was in China I had become very ill and through that illness I had encountered Chinese medicine. My mind was set. This was it. While in my own country nobody would have been able to treat this disease for the Chinese doctors it had been a breeze. It looked as though Western medicine was not that omnipotent after all?
So when my tutor asked what had impressed me most, I told them so.

The room went very quiet. The smile on the face of the powerful man never wavered but his eyes contracted ever so slightly.
I was unabashed.
He was a medical professor, after all,  and there I was, having just found out about a new way of curing people. He must be delighted. Medicine is about curing people. Or so I thought. I was that naive at the time.

“Do you think, Chinese Medicine can treat real diseases?”, he asked. Smiling.
“Oh yes. In fact, I think it is so much more effective than anything we can yet imagine.”

The room went perfectly quiet. About ten famous medical professors looked at me, the second year student of Antropology and Chinese, who dared to have an opinion on medicine.

I had managed to shoot myself in the head.

Needless to say that I was not part of the German academic elite for very much longer. My mother called and told me, that there had been some formal issues and that was it. She also announced that she and my father did not see any point, really, in keeping up  communication with me, if I was so intent on throwing my life away. I had this kind of family.

So all of a sudden I was alone. Utterly alone. Which was a good thing because I learned how to fight.
More than ever I was intend on becoming a doctor. If I was a doctor, they would have to listen. Plus, you have to know the enemy.
A couple of years later the lottery system was abolished. I passed some more exams and entered medical school. Medical school was easy enough. If you can learn Chinese characters you can learn anything.
I also really love science. I am good at biology, chemistry, pharmacy, neurology.  I thrive at it. One of the reasons I had been picked to be part of the Brilliant People in the first place.

My love for science was one of the reasons I did not enjoy medical school at all. The process of becoming a doctor is not about learning science. It is a way of deconstructing people – including all the usual ways of brain wash: shaming, isolation, starvation, sleep deprivation.  And then, bang, you are told that you are better than everybody else. Just do what you are told. You have to believe it.

Navy seals are made this way. Suicide terrorists. It works most of the time.
But then again, if you can survive a couple of winter months in an unheated Chinese dormitory learning thousands of Chinese characters and hundreds herbs, you can survive Medical school without going crazy.

I told myself so and so I did.

The brainwash did not work on me: What I learned at medical school is, that the medical system is a powerful system, a system that needs to be reckoned with. And not in a good way.

I still think, that medicine is not that great.
I still think, we can do much better.
I actually think, we will do without it in the near future.
I will still speak my mind.

Would I still shoot myself in the head? Oh yes. Anytime.
There are others to follow me. I am not alone any more.